Introduction

Because of the annual meeting today, I want to direct your thoughts this morning to "Giving and Receiving Pastoral Care." We are individuals joined together as one body in Christ. As Paul says, "Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf" (1 Cor. 10:17). Therefore, there is an inseparable tie between my responsibilities and your responsibilities. Giving pastoral care necessitates some receiving and receiving obviously necessitates some giving. We need each other in a mutuality ordained by Christ. It may scare you a little bit or even a lot to think that you need me. It may scare me to think that I need you. However, it is the truth in Christ that as one body we need each other.

One goal I have in this message is to cause you to think about what you, what we, are doing week by week over the year as members of Christ’s church. I hope that you will better understand where I am coming from and that you will see how I view my responsibilities and how they affect your responsibilities. I hope to cultivate the right tone about being your pastor.

Accordingly, I want to consider three things about giving and receiving pastoral care: 1) the duties of pastor and flock, 2) the duties of the pastor, and 3) the duties of the flock.

1A. The Duties of Pastor and Flock in the Giving and Receiving of Pastoral Care

The duties that I have in mind are fundamental and mutual. Ephesians 5:21 states them succinctly: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." On one hand, we are to submit to one another. On the other hand, our mutual submission must include reverent submission to Christ. Honoring our risen Lord is the most important factor in the giving and receiving of pastoral care just as it is the most important factor in the give and take of the family (husband and wife) and of the church family (member and member).

The key in pastoral care, giving it and receiving it, is reverence for Jesus Christ our sovereign Lord. He appoints my part in this and He appoints your part in this. All the Christian virtues, humility, forgiveness, etc., come into play in the process of submitting to one another. Submission has its challenging aspects but that is why it is rooted in reverence for Christ. In true submission to one another there has to be give and take. It means doing things at times that are not our first choice as to what will please "umwah" (me, myself, and I).

We can have situations develop where we feel like saying, "why do I always have to submit or give in?" In these situations, we can be very child-like seeking to have our way or to "do it my way." At times, our experiences can be very dark, and very troubling. What is the way out of this darkness? Reverence for Christ brings a radiant light into the darkness that dispels the darkness. When we fix our hearts on Him we can "take it," we can yield, and we can work things out in an agreeable way. Submission to one another is a basic that underlies the "chain of command" in the life of the church and family (elder, husband, wife, children); in Christ we are all called to submit to one another (husband to wife, parents to children, and pastor to flock).

2A. Duties of the Pastor in the Giving and Receiving of Pastoral Care

As we go over these principles, it is important to point out that what is required of pastors is what is required of all Christians (cf. the requirement of showing hospitality, 1 Tim. 3:2; Titus 1:8). The only difference is that it is adapted to the role and calling of the pastor. These same principles apply in various ways to your stations in life. Furthermore, duties of the pastor imply duties of the flock. Therefore, the pastor’s duties show you your duties in two ways: some are the same differing only in degree and some have correspondence that we infer. Three phrases highlight these duties: seeking to please, balancing authority, and cultivating wholeness.

1) Seeking to please

The pastor must seek to please without being a man-pleaser. In Romans 15, Paul says, "We …are…not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up" (vs. 1-2; this is where Nouthetic Counseling begins). Edification or the building up of others is the core of all Christian relationships (Eph. 4:11-12; Rom. 15:1-2). Accordingly, the pastor does in a concentrated way what we are all to do in a general way. However, a pastor cannot be a man-pleaser according to 1 Thessalonians 2:3-6.

For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, ⁴ but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. ⁵ For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed- God is witness. ⁶ Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ.

He cannot simply be out to tickle ears and to use flattery. That is what disobedient pastors do for pay, for personal pride, and for praise. On the contrary, a pastor shares the gospel and he shares his life (vs. 7-8).

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

I am to be this kind of servant for you. What I do should please and benefit you but it should not simply flatter you and "pump you up" falsely.

2) Balancing authority

The pastor must balance authority with love. He must not strive but be gentle, not quarrel but continue in the labor of the word with patient and careful instruction (2 Tim. 4:2, "preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching"). Having firm conviction is important but a pastor cannot be authoritarian and dogmatic. This is not easy to keep in balance. Moreover, conviction can be misconstrued as dogmatism and tolerance as apostasy. The pastor is to refute that which contradicts sound doctrine (Titus 1:9). Firm argument must come to expression in the teaching process. This process is to be encouraging (that is, Nouthetic). In addition, the teaching process is to encourage godly living by good works and sound speech (Titus 2:1, 6-8), which is to "make the teaching about God our Savior attractive" (Titus 2:10).

Encouragement is sometimes associated with rebuke (cf. correction in 2 Tim. 3:16). Rebuke is done with authority (Titus 2:15). I think the point is that the pastor’s feelings (or whims) are not what governs rebuke. The pastor is to rebuke (where he must) in the name of the Lord and by Scripture.

Bringing up the notion of authority can be touchy. It can wrongly inflate a pastor’s head and wrongly deflate the people’s hearts. Nevertheless, a proper exercise of God given authority is part of the picture of what our Lord has ordained for our good and His glory. Hebrews 13:17 is classic on this fact and it tells me the following. 1) I have an authority. The Lord has given it to me. 2) I must keep watch over you (13:17c) but not in a way that makes you feel like you are under a microscope. It is "watch-keeping authority." It means that I must keep my ears to the ground. I must be observant. I must be a good listener. I am here to help. 3) I must do this with a sense of the sober fact that I must give an account to the Lord Jesus regarding how I build truth in your life (13:17d). Again, reverence for Christ is central.

Do I build truth in your lives with gold, silver, and precious stones or with wood, hay, and stubble? It will be brought to light and tested with fire (1 Cor. 3:10-15). The narrow escape through the flames (yet so as by fire) applies in the first place to pastors! However, the motivation is love for you and for the Lord Jesus (1 Thess. 2:11-12). In The Reformed Pastor (1656), Richard Baxter put it like this:

The whole of our ministry must be carried on in tender love to our people. We must let them see that nothing pleaseth us but what profiteth them; and that what doeth them good doth us good; and that nothing troubleth us more than their hurt. We must feel toward our people, as a father toward his children: yea, the tenderest love of a mother must not surpass ours. We must even travail in birth, till Christ be formed in them (117).

My shortcomings are many but I can tell you that I long for your spiritual good. Our trials remind us of our need for heart healing in our heart of hearts, our inner person at the deepest seat of our being. It is for that good most of all that I pray for you and desire to serve you in the gospel. I pray for you according to the pattern of Paul in Philippians 1:9-11 (for abounding love that is more and more, that is fruitful for righteousness, and that is to the praise and glory of God).

3) Cultivating wholeness

The pastor must cultivate public with private ministry. Paul gives the example of ministry that is both public and house-to-house (Acts 20:20). I am not sure as to what this all means but it must at least involve personalized ministry. Private and personal ministry must accompany public ministry. It is not enough to preach or to listen to preaching. There must be personal interaction between us all on the matters of the gospel. Personal interaction is the pastor-flock side of Nouthetic counseling that is the mutual responsibility of the family of God. We are to exhort, correct, and encourage one another as a regular part of life together in the body of Christ (to interact with one another in the teachings of Scripture for mutual edification, correction, and encouragement, cf. Col. 3:16 and Rom. 15:14).

No doubt this is where the duty of showing hospitality fits into the picture. Under most circumstances, there cannot be meaningful personal interaction without time devoted to the grace of hospitality. It is required of pastors; it is required of them as examples of what ought to be in all of our lives. Giving and receiving hospitality is an essential in the sharing of the word of God.

By encouraging and correcting one another, correcting and encouraging one another we put a safety net in place. The words of Jesus to Peter apply to pastors in a distinct way: "if you love me then tend, shepherd, and feed my sheep." My job is to be there for you, to be in contact, and thus to have opportunity to be a help to you by the grace of God.

3A. The Duties of the Flock in the Giving and Receiving of Pastoral Care

The receiving side in general involves willingness toward all the duties of the pastor. Thus, each duty that I have implies correlating duties on your part. However, some things merit highlighting (in three words: love, pray, and submit).

1) Lovingly partake of the nourishment provided by the pastor.

John 13:34-35 reveals this point. How does it do so? It exhorts love for one another but in a particular way, namely, as disciples. Therefore, it commands that we show love in how we engage the learning process, which is inseparable from the pastor/flock learning process. In our discipleship as brothers and sisters in the Lord, it is paramount that we press forward in learning with the intent of obeying: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5).

2) Pray that your pastor will honor the word among you and that the honor it has among you will spread to others (2 Thess. 3:1). Literally, Paul says, may the word of the Lord run (cf. 2 Thess. 3:1 w/ Rom. 9:16) to do its work like a runner set on a prize (1 Cor. 9:24), may it do its effectual work bringing swift obedience to its hearers. For a bottom line, receiving pastoral care is a matter of honor to the word of God in relation to the spread of God’s word to the nations (our neighbors, others).

3) Carry yourself with a submissive spirit to both public and private ministry.

Again, consider Hebrews 13:17 ("Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you."). Your duty is stated and motivated. Obey and submit is oriented to "their charge to keep watch over you." The motivation is for the pastor and for you. On one hand, the pastor avoids grief. On the other hand, the flock receives profit. Failure here brings the opposite: grief for pastors and a lack of profit for the flock.

For emphasis, consider this line of thought. What should you do when you do not like something on the dinner table? Should you simple be dismissive, rationalize, fault the pastor, or focus on what others should do? What is the right thing to do? It is easy to say what the other person should do. Then you can say, "Be a learner, look for the good, be teachable, and learn all you can even if you do not care for this or that." In other words, it is easy for us to say what the other person should do when our emotions, tastes and feelings are not in the picture. However, here is the rub. What do you do when the food put on the table by the pastor is distinctively distasteful to you? You do not feel you need it but the pastor does. At times, it may seem like meddling and you may say, "Pastor, you are stepping on my toes, you are a little too close for comfort."

What should you do when preaching affects you, especially when it affects you in a negative way? Should not the answer be: "submit to pastoral care with open minded humility, looking for the good with a teachable and forgiving spirit?" This can be touchy for both of us—we have to be willing to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I will fail you and make many mistakes. But does this mean that if you think I am wrong in the how, when, why or what of the diet I provide, then that is the time to be closed minded; that is the time where submission to my instruction is not necessary? I hope that is not your view. I hope you will say, "No, we should always be open minded seeking always to see if it is so, forgiving the pastor when he doesn't give us the diet of pastoral care we like, and maybe this is just what I need." Therefore, I hope you will say, "I must submit to the pastor's diet out of reverence for Christ, even if I do not like all the food on the table." Maybe I am lacking something spiritually important right where I feel a negative response.

Conclusion

We are to be a community of brothers and sisters marked by love, love for God and love for all men. This is to be the case for the pastor too. He is to love all men but especially the household of faith. Personalizing this, I am to love all men and do them good but I am especially to love you and do what is for your good. How do I do this? By fulfilling my calling to prayer and the ministry of the word of God and doing that by God's gracious help. I must do this as an open book with all on the table, not to please men but to please God in the sacred task of the proclamation of the gospel of God's grace (Acts 20:24). I trust the church will look carefully at these passages and principles that guide me in pastoral ministry to help you decide how to implement these things as the body of Christ.