Introduction

Because of the annual meeting we have planned for today, I have been reflecting on what it means to give and receive pastoral care. That is what I want to direct your thoughts to this morning: "Giving and Receiving Pastoral Care." This theme is in keeping with what we have been doing of late regarding our purpose in history as we move from 2000 to 2001. We simply shift from an emphasis on the individual to an emphasis on the church. We are individuals joined together as one body in Christ. As Paul says, "Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf" (1 Cor. 10:17).

My goal is to clearly explain some of the key things in a biblical philosophy of ministry. By doing this I hope that you will better understand where I am coming from and that you can thereby see how I view my responsibilities and how that impacts your responsibilities. There is an inseparable tie between my responsibilities and yours. Giving pastoral care necessitates some receiving and receiving obviously necessitates some giving. We need this; we need each other.

It may scare you a little bit or even a lot to think that you need me. It may scare me to think that I need you. But it is the truth in Christ that we need each other.

I hope to cultivate the right tone about being your pastor. Let’s try comparing my work with the work of a medical doctor. For example, I went to my doctor with a problem mole on my forehead. He numbed the area, cut the mole off with a razor blade, and burned the roots of the thing. The pain was minimal. The irritation that took me to him was greater. That conveys some of what I hope to be for you as your pastor. I hope my work will be like that of a doctor who can do his job efficiently with minimal pain to you and in the process bring relief to even greater irritation. The surgery is not everyday but at times when necessary. As you do spiritual battle in cutting off the old man and putting on the new, you may sustain some wounds. And our Lord Jesus is your Great Physician but He has appointed under-physicians to do the work of pastoral care. Therefore we need this.

You already know much of how I approach things. Intuitively we have an understanding of one another. It is born of mutual experience. But as it is in any relationship, we will be enriched if we continually promote a healthy give and take. Here that means that we continually promote a healthy giving and receiving of pastoral care.

I want to consider three things about giving and receiving pastoral care: 1) the most important factor, 2) the duties of the pastor, and 3) the duties of the flock.

1A. The most important factor in the giving and receiving of pastoral care

What is it all about? What is the paramount motivation to it?

Honoring our risen Lord is what this is all about. If Christ is central than we will do what Ephesians 5:21 enjoins, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." It is extremely important to emphasize the latter half of the verse: out of reverence for Christ. We honor Him in patterns of thought and we honor Him in patterns of conduct. That is why knowledge and obedience are interwoven in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

To give and receive pastoral care demands this submission to one another (me to you, you to me and us all to each other in various ways and circumstances). And submission to one another takes humility, forgiveness, and all the Christian virtues. It has its challenging aspects but that is why it is rooted in reverence for Christ.

You see the key in pastoral care, giving it and receiving it, is reverence for Jesus Christ our sovereign Lord. My part in this is demanded of me by Him. Your part in this is demanded of you by Him.

In true submission to one another there has to be this give and take. It means doing things at times that are not our first choice as to what will please "umwah" (me, myself, and I). We can have situations develop where we say (or feel like saying), "why do I always have to submit or give in?" These situations can be very child-like (we can be very child-like). They can be very dark, and very troubling. What is the way out? Reverence for Christ brings a radiant light into the darkness that dispels the darkness. When we fix our hearts on Him we can "take it," we can yield, and we can work things out in the light.

2A. Duties of the pastor in the giving and receiving of pastoral care

As we go over these principles, it is important to point out that what is required of pastors is what is required of all Christians. The only difference is that it is adapted to the role and calling of pastoring. These same principles apply in various ways to your stations in life. Furthermore, duties of the pastor imply duties of the flock.

1) The pastor must balance being a man-pleaser and pleasing men.

In Romans 15, Paul says, "We …are…not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up" (vs. 1-2). Pastoral ministry of edification or building up (Eph. 4:11-12) is Christian ministry (Rom. 15:1-2).

But a pastor cannot be a man-pleaser (1 Thess. 2:3-6). He cannot simply be out to tickle ears and to use flattery. That is what is done for pay and for personal pride and praise. On the contrary, a pastor shares the gospel and he shares his life (vs. 7-8). This is the kind of servant that I am to be for you. What I do should please and benefit you but it should not simply flatter you and "pump you up" falsely.

2) The pastor must balance authority with love.

He must not strive but be gentle, not quarrel but continue in the labor of the word with patient and careful instruction (2 Tim. 4:2-5). Having firm conviction is important but a pastor cannot be authoritarian and dogmatic. This is not easy to keep in balance especially in how one is perceived. Conviction can be misconstrued as dogmatism and tolerance as apostasy.

The pastor is to refute that which contradicts sound doctrine. Conviction must come to expression in the teaching process. This process is to be encouraging (Titus 1:9); the pastor is an encourager. And the teaching process is to encourage godly living (Titus 2:1,6-8), which is to "make the teaching about God our Savior attractive" (Titus 2:10).

Encouragement is sometimes associated with rebuke (cf. correction in 2 Tim. 3:16). Rebuke is done with authority (Titus 2:15). I think the point is that rebuke is done in the name of the Lord and rooted carefully in Scripture not the pastor’s feelings or whims.

Bringing up the notion of authority can be touchy. It can wrongly inflate a pastor’s head and wrongly deflate the people’s hearts. But a proper exercise of a God given authority is part of the picture of what our Lord has ordained for our good and His glory. Hebrews 13 is classic on this fact and it tells me the following. 1) I have an authority. The Lord has given it. 2) I must keep watch over you (13:17c). It is not to make you feel like you are under a microscope. It means that I must keep my ears to the ground. I must be observant. I must be a good listener. I am here to help. 3) This is to be done with a sense of the sober fact that I must give an account of how I build in your life (13:17d). Again, reverence for Christ is central. Is it gold, silver, and precious stones or is it wood, hay, and stubble that I build in your lives? It will be brought to light and tested with fire (1 Cor. 3:10-15). To be saved narrowly through the flames applies in the first place to pastors!

But the motivation is love for you and for the Lord Jesus (1 Thess. 2:11-12). In The Reformed Pastor (1656), Richard Baxter put it like this:

The whole of our ministry must be carried on in tender love to our people. We must let them see that nothing pleaseth us but what profiteth them; and that what doeth them good doth us good; and that nothing troubleth us more than their hurt. We must feel toward our people, as a father toward his children: yea, the tenderest love of a mother must not surpass ours. We must even travail in birth, till Christ be formed in them (117).

My shortcomings are many but I can tell you that I long for your spiritual good. When I think of a heart patient such as Mrs. King I am reminded of our need for heart healing in our heart of hearts, our inner person at the deepest seat of our being. It is for that good most of all that I pray for you and desire to serve you in the gospel. I pray for you according to the pattern of Paul in Philippians 1:9-11 (for abounding love that is more and more and that is fruitful for righteousness to the praise and glory of God).

3) The pastor must balance public with private ministry.

Paul gives the example of ministry that is both public and house to house (Acts 20:20).

I am not sure as to what this all means but it must at least involve the following elements.

a) Personalized ministry must accompany public ministry. It is not enough preach or to listen to preaching. There must be personal interaction between us all on the matters of the gospel.

b) Private ministry (ministry other than public preaching) is part of the picture of oversight or watchfulness. I am to keep watch over you (Heb. 13:10). How do I do that faithfully to our Savior? It cannot be properly done at a distance. It must be broken down house to house in some way or another.

c) There is an element of examination. This is a seeing with concern for your good. It is not as judge, prosecutor, or user of two by fours to the back of the head. It is as father, mother, pastor, shepherd, friend, and servant. Perhaps it is helpfully likened to a teacher-player-coach. The good coach observes (watches) with a concerned eye. He then counsels, advises, corrects, suggests, reminds, and encourages.

d) I see coming onto your turf so to speak as crossing an invisible barrier. It is like what exists in a classroom where there is a distance between the teacher and students until this barrier is comfortably crossed. It happens in various ways. It may happen when the teacher leaves his notes at the lectern and sort of merges his space with that of the class (past the half way point between but not in their face). Or it may occur when they come to the board, etc. Actually the formal home visit is an informal visit, an informalizing of the gospel ministry into the home. It is mashing the potatoes of the Sunday diet on the word mixing house, home, and family with the Lord’s Day gospel.

e) It is a safety net for needs that you have that are to be tended to by your pastor-servant. It may be spiritually small bruised knees or spiritually significant broken hearts that are tended to. Jesus said if you love me then tend, shepherd, and feed my sheep. My job, my heart is to be there for you, to touch base, to have a point of contact and thus have an opportunity to be a help to you by the grace of God.

This enables the use of a "Pete and Repeat" principle (2 Pet. 1:12-15). I say it one way in preaching and another way in conversing. We mash the potatoes of public ministry house to house in private ministry.

3A. The duties of the flock in the giving and receiving of pastoral care

The receiving side in general involves a willingness toward all the duties of the pastor. Thus each duty that I have implies correlating duties on your part. But some things can be highlighted.

1) Lovingly partake of the nourishment provided by the pastor.

John 13:34-35 reveals this point. How does it do so? It exhorts love for one another but in a particular way, namely, as disciples. Therefore it commands that we show love in how we engage the learning process, which cannot be separated from the pastor/flock learning process.

Ultimately we love as loved so it is a matter of love for God.

2) Pray for pastoral ministry that the word may be honored among you and that the honor it has among you may be spread to others (2 Thess. 3:1). Literally, Paul says, may the word of the Lord run, may it work (Rom. 9:16) like a runner set on a prize (1 Cor. 9:24), may it do its effectual work bringing swift obedience to its hearers.

For a bottom line, receiving pastoral case is a matter of honor to the word of God.

3) Carry yourself with a submissive spirit to both public and private ministry.

Again consider Hebrews 13:17. Your duty is stated and motivated. Obey and submit is oriented to "their authority." The motivation is for the pastor and for you. A) The pastor is delivered from grief. B) You are profited. Failure here brings the opposite: grief for pastors and a lack of profit for the flock.

For emphasis consider this line of thought. What should you do when you do not like something on the dinner table? What is the right thing to do? It is easy to say what the other person should do. When it is the other person that has a problem we can say, "be a learner, look for the good, be teachable, learn all you can even if you do not care for this or that." In other words, it is easy for us to say what the other guy should do when our emotions, tastes and feelings are not stirred up or offended.

But here is the rub. What do you do when the food put on the table by the pastor is distinctively distasteful to you? You do not feel you need it. But the pastor does. At times it may seem like meddling and you want to say: "pastor, you are stepping on my toes, you are a little too close for comfort. What should you do when it impacts you? Should not the answer be: "submit to pastoral care with open minded humility, looking for the good with a teachable and forgiving spirit?" This can be touchy for both of us—we have to be willing to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

I will fail you and make many mistakes. But does this mean that if you think I am wrong in the how, when, why or what of the diet I provide, then that is the time to be closed minded; that is the time where submission to my instruction is not necessary? I hope that is not your view. I hope you will say, "no, we should always be open minded seeking always to see if it is so, forgiving the pastor when he doesn't give us the diet of pastoral care we like."

Where is brotherly and sisterly love shown toward the pastor if not here at the point of disagreement? So I hope you will say, "I must submit to the pastor's diet out of reverence for Christ, even if I do not like all the food on the table."

I hope you all agree with me that the real test of openness and submission is when you don’t think you are in need but the pastor does. It is easy to submit when we agree on everything, isn't it? Wives, isn't it easy to submit when your husband's decisions are in accord with your wants and desires? At work, it is easy to submit to your boss when everything he or she asks of you is in perfect accord with how you see things? Do you see my point? Submission to pastoral nurture and careful instruction is a piece of cake when you agree with the teaching or if the teaching is ice cream and apple pie. But it is another thing if it makes you work and dig. It is another thing if it makes you think in new and different ways than you are used to. When you disagree, that is when it is hard to submit to careful and detailed instruction, but this is where Berean nobility plugs into the wall socket! This is where we show our love and the graces of godliness. Otherwise, it is good talk and theory with no practical application. If we do not do this out of reverence for Christ, how do we show ourselves to be His disciples and how do we show that He is our elder brother?

In this connection, it will be helpful to speak about an aspect of pastoral feeding that many people have difficulty swallowing. I refer to the fact of having a human-sinner-pastor come on your turf (the turf of your home for example or in personal conversation). The challenge is to welcome instruction and perhaps correction in righteousness. It is mostly an issue of attendance to public ministry but private ministry or personalized ministry is also included.

Conclusion

We are to be a community of brothers and sisters who are marked by love, love for God for His honor and love for all men. This is to be the case for the pastor too. He is to love all men but especially the household of faith.

Personalizing this: I am to love all men and do them good but I am especially to love you and do what is for your good. How do I do this? By fulfilling my calling to prayer and the ministry of the word of God and doing that by God's gracious help. I must do this as an open book with all on the table, not to please men but to please God in the sacred task of the proclamation of the gospel of God's grace (Acts 20:24).

I trust the church will look carefully at these passages and principles that guide me in pastoral ministry to help you decide how we will implement these things in the future.

Now may we fall down before the majesty of our God in humble acknowledgement of our spiritual poverty, may the Lord grant us true repentance, may the radiant beauty of His grace shine in our hearts to the glory of our Savior, Jesus Christ the Lord. Amen.