Introduction

Today we begin a series on the theme of "Love and Marriage." In some ways, this is simply a continuation of our consideration of the famous love chapter (1 Cor. 13). It can be very profitable to work out the implications of love in general for marriage in particular.

Love in relation to marriage is a big topic. I want to try to limit our study by means of two concerns. 1) We need to survey some of the major biblical principles that govern a Christian (i.e. Christ-centered) approach to marriage. 2) We also need to apply the principles of the love chapter (1 Cor. 13) to marriage. This chapter is the grid through which to process and shape the material of this series. I want us to always have it in the back of our minds. Thus we hope to arrive at some basics of Christian love and marriage. Today I will discuss some introductory and foundational things: a) the relevance of this study, and b) the definition of marriage.

1A. The relevance of this study

1B. Some general comments about relevance.

Granted, this material does not pertain directly to each one of us. Or, perhaps put in a better way, this material does not address all of us in the same way but it does address us all. It is important to begin by saying that this study is relevant to both the married and the unmarried alike. If you are not married this material is relevant to your life whether you are looking to be married or not looking to be married. Things that are not directly relevant now may be extremely relevant later.

Let me put this into focus by an uncomfortable memory. Years ago I preached a message on marriage and divorce. A couple in the church complained vociferously that this was totally irrelevant to their needs and the needs of the church. The idea of their complaint was, "Why would you preach on divorce, its causes and consequences, etcetera when we are not on the brink of divorce?" But now and sadly many years later divorce has occurred and reoccurred in that family. This is an example that shows that broad biblical principles regarding marriage need to be studied even if their relevance is not immediately apparent.

The notion of relevance may be difficult since we have a variety of circumstances reflected here in our church. We have those who are married and those who are single. Among those who are single we have some who have never been married, and some who have been married but are now single by divorce from a spouse or by the death of a spouse. Still I want to strongly affirm that whatever your status may be, the biblical principles of love applied to marriage are relevant to your life. It may be that as a single person these applications will help you to see clearly what is involved in marriage. This will give you guidance in dating, seeking to be married, and establishing a godly marriage (or who and what to avoid!). And in a more general sense, these principles exemplify Christian love and aid us all by analogy even if marriage is not in view. And they will give guidance even where one partner is an unbeliever. Some of the applications may be difficult and call for the exercise of all the graces of the Christian life. But God’s word regarding love and marriage will give all of us a solid pathway on which to walk. I pray to this end for you all.

I am emphasizing this matter of relevance both for you and for me. It is God’s word that we are studying and it has many applications to marriage and by analogy to life in general. So whatever our marital status these principles are important for us to ponder and absorb into our thinking. Some of these things will be like building a hedge around your property. You may not see the need for this protective hedge. Down the road the hedge will be in place and do its job in unexpected and sometimes in unnoticed ways. But because God knows what He is doing and tells us what we should be doing, then this protective hedge is for our good. So whatever your status, learning what God has to say about love and marriage is for your good.

2B. There is a spiritual substructure that grounds this relevance.

The theme of love and marriage naturally spills over to the family. And in turn, this household/family theme naturally spills over to the Christian family, the household of God (1 Tim. 3:15; Eph. 2:19; 1 Pet. 4:17) or the household of faith (Gal. 6:10). There are two important things presented in these household texts: God has a household, a family, and this household is constituted by faith in Christ. Confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that Jesus is the risen Lord is the means of entry into the family of God (Rom. 10:9-10). Commitment to Christ is the key to the family whether we are talking about home or church.

The transition from marriage and family to the church family is a very natural one. For example, consider all that is involved when it is said of an overseer in the church that "if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?" (1 Tim. 3:5). The analogous relationship between the family life of an elder and his care for the church is evident. The implication is that the church is like a household and an elder is like a husband or father who manages and cares for his family. Christ, of course, is the great priest over God’s house (Heb. 10:21), the Shepherd and Overseer (1 Pet. 2:25), and the chief Shepherd (1 Pet. 5:4). Therefore, under Christ, neither husband/father nor elder/shepherd are to be domineering tyrants (1 Pet. 5:3, elders…not domineering over those in your charge; 1 Pet. 3:7, husbands…with your wives…showing honor). The principles of love (as from 1 Cor. 13) help us detect the subtle ways that leaders may exercise their roles in an over lording way. By love both husband and elder learn how to live under the authority of Christ. A domineering husband is unloving to his wife but more than that he is disobedient to Christ.

Consider how older women are like mothers and younger women like sisters. So even if you have no siblings you are a sister and have sisters; even if you have no children, you are a mother figure. Hence the summary language: love the brotherhood (1 Pet. 2:17). Thus the theme of love and marriage has relevance for us all, whatever our status, because it points us directly to Christ. It is to Him that we must look in the difficulties and heart aches we face on the journey of love and marriage. We must cling to the Lord Jesus for comfort, strength, and guidance.

2A. The definition of marriage

We need to understand what marriage is in order to apply the principles of love to it. We need a clear definition of marriage. So here is a definition of marriage that I want to explain and defend throughout this series: marriage is a covenant of lifelong companionship for the glory of God. It can be filled out to be more technical and precise (by adding words like: male/female, male headship and exclusive to oppose homosexuality, adultery, polygamy, etc.) but this is sufficient for our purposes. This gives us a good working handle by which to grab on to this subject. In Genesis 1-2, there are some significant facts that lead to this definition.

1) By creating woman from the man (and informing us of this fact), God teaches in a pedagogical symbol that husband and wife are actually one body (2:21-23). Therefore, they are to hold fast to one another as close companions (2:24, "hold fast"). God is showing us His design in no uncertain terms. It is underlined and emphatic that Adam and Eve, husband and wife, are to live out the implications of the fact that they are one flesh (be what you are; show what you actually are). They do this by clinging together as companions (they are to stick together like glue in fulfilling the will of God). Looking at one another, they can each say, "that is my body, it’s a part of me, I am a part of it."

Thus, we are not surprised to find that the covenant theme that runs through the narrative impacts the relation of husband and wife (cf. the covenantal six and one with its promise of final rest for God’s obedient image bearers). The prophet Malachi amplifies this point by alluding to the creation account (2:15, "did he not make them [Adam and Eve] one") when he speaks of marriage as a covenant of companionship (2:14, "she is your companion and your wife by covenant).

Proverbs 2:17 confirms the inference that the marriage covenant is mutual for here the wife "forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God." The association of wife, companion, and covenant shows that she makes covenant just as her husband makes covenant (cf. the parallel with "the wife of your youth" in Prov. 5:18 and "wife of your youth" in Mal. 2:14).

2) Another significant fact is given at the end of Genesis 2: "the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed" (v. 25). This is how man and woman came from the hand of the Creator and we are informed of this fact. It is symbolic or at least pedagogical giving instruction by citing a representative, loaded, and powerful fact. This is a beautiful account, bold yet tasteful, candid yet reserved regarding the marvelous fact that marriage is a union of two people for companionship that is symbolized in their nakedness. "Nakedness without shame" says volumes about sex and intimacy without mentioning the word sex or commenting on sexual organs and techniques. There is no shame attached to the nakedness of husband and wife in marriage. Guilt is only attached to nakedness when sin enters the picture (Gen. 3).

What we should learn here in the flow of thought is something that should be obvious: that physical intimacy is not the end all and be all of marriage (as exaggerated in our culture with or without marriage). Note the three things stated: they are one flesh (v. 23), they are to hold fast to one another (v. 24a within the mutual covenant relation), and they become one flesh in the sexual union (v. 24b). What they are as one by God’s design is to govern what they do in keeping covenant by holding fast to one another in the totality of marriage. This total holding fast in the covenant of companionship is symbolized sexually. Sex is thus part and parcel of the covenant of companionship into which God brings husband and wife. We may speak of sex as a five per cent part that symbolizes what the marriage is in the ninety-five per cent part (each part can either aid or spoil the other). In the big picture marriage is about a unique companionship/friendship.

3) A summary of the big picture is made in this account as a whole (2:18-25). Here we have the basic fact that loneliness is to be opposed. Because it is not good that the man should be alone, God states His intention to create a helper for him (v. 18). Marital companionship is intended by the Lord to keep man from loneliness. The context of naming the animals stresses the importance that we understand the marriage relationship. Through this process man comes to understand what it means to be alone. By implication (from the mutual covenant), this teaches the nature of marital commitment: it is to protect each other from loneliness (being like God in doing this). It is a fundamental point that each party in this covenant commits to protecting the other from loneliness. In one sense, this simply means they commit to communication, conversation, getting to know one another by sharing thoughts and experiences. We will expand on this more fully later.

4) According to Jesus Genesis 2:24 teaches that the martial commitment is for life: "What God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matt. 19:6b). Marriage is thus "till death do us part." It is a covenant of life long companionship for the glory of God.

5) The last part of the definition of marriage (for the glory of God) derives directly from Genesis One. It is found in the fact that male and female were made in God’s image (1:26). For clarification we have to remind ourselves that glorifying God does not add anything to God. It is not that He created the world and us in order to improve or grow. He neither decreases nor increases in His attributes for He is immutably perfect. This is sometimes called "the full bucket" problem (as by C.Van Til). How can you add anything to a full bucket? You cannot add anything because by definition a bucket is full when nothing more can be added. God is full of glory, full to the brim. He cannot be given some kind of increase in His glory. Thus, to glorify God means that we reflect His glory in word and deed. This is what our existence on this earth as male and female is all about: He created man, male and female in His image. There can be no better definition of man answering the "Who am I?" question then the definition of man as God’s analogue designed to display the perfections of God, shall we say, in human terms. Likewise there can be no better definition of marriage. Again, marriage is a covenant of life long companionship for the glory of God.

Applications

1) The perspective that interfaces family with the family of God gives us a better total picture of love and marriage than to simply consider the explicit family texts (husbands, wives, children, etc.). Each side of the equation (household and household of faith) is filled out and clarified by the other. Thus in your reading of Scripture wherever you come across information regarding the family there you should look for implications for the family of God and wherever you come across information regarding the family of God there you should look for implications for the family. This leads to the important fact that the biblical ideal is what should shape our thoughts and emotions regarding the family of fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, children, brothers, and sisters. In other words, our experiences in life emerging from these relations may be painful but Christ is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. It may be difficult to find our way but the biblical ideal will give us light in the darkness.

2) The definition of marriage shows us what a loving marriage is at its core. Surprising to some, a happy marriage is not necessarily a successful marriage. We must remember that people may enjoy the pleasures of sin while they travel happily down the broad road that leads to destruction. Spouses may idolize each other like they idolize material things. These thoughts draw attention to the fact that pleasurable companionship for life is not sufficient for a good marriage. And without goodness how can it be successful? What is needed is the proper orientation point and goal of glorifying God. That should be the ultimate goal making all other goals subordinate goals. Companionship, sexual pleasure, children, posterity, and whatever other goals we may have will be subject to the goal of glorifying God if it is a loving marriage. This is just to say that the most sought after goal in a good and successful marriage is the glory of God. It is to simply say that the end in which all other ends come to rest in a loving marriage is the glory of God by faith in Christ as your Sabbath King!

Thus the great, chief, and ultimate goal of all things is the great, chief, and ultimate goal of male and female joined together in marriage. This is a deeply dug foundation of marriage that gives it an abiding quality that is profitable having promise of the life we now live here on earth and for the life to come in glory. God-likeness is the point when Paul says, "godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come" (1 Tim. 4:8). It bears repeating that a godly marriage is part and parcel of a godly life.