We can introduce Romans 12:14-21by discussing theme of this section, the participants involved, the angle of approach to the material, the title, and outline.

Theme. It is apparent that the dominant theme is flavored by conflict in which we are wronged and hurt by evil doers. So this unit can be easily titled "overcoming evil with good" based on the conflict alluded to throughout the section (vs. 14-21) and based on the final exhortation (v. 21).

Participants. Is this conflict with believers or unbelievers or both? A couple of key words suggest unbelievers (persecute, v. 14; your enemy, v. 20). But some things suggest believers: the one another phrase that has conflict in the backdrop (v. 16), and the fact that the readers/believers are capable of the evil they are afflicted by (do not repay evil for evil, v. 17). How are we to deal with evil that others do to us without doing the same to them (and we are very capable of doing the same)?

Angle/title. We are exhorted to specific duties that are part and parcel of overcoming evil. They are duties to take up in the face of evil that exemplify the transformed mind of the believer (12:2). They are good acts that give us victory over evil; the evil is particularly evil done to us that leads to disharmony (in our own souls and in our relationships with others). These things help us overcome the particular evil of being wronged by others. For short, to emphasize the kind of evil, my title is "Overcoming when wronged."

Outline. I have three divisions of material this morning. We overcome evil by right emotions, right thoughts, and right actions, with all of these things oriented to the issue of how we respond when wronged. These are right emotions, thoughts, and acts that have special relevance to the evil that painfully afflicts us in this world, that is, evil done by unbelievers and by Christian against Christian.

1A. The right emotions

It seems fragmented to have rejoice/mourn (v. 15) and pride cited in the midst of this section predominantly concerned with conflict and how to deal with it. Because of this fragmented appearance we are caused to seek a unity in these verses. If we don't let the initial sense of disconnection throw us, we will try to fit the odd pieces into the puzzle on the assumption that they do in fact fit. In other words, it is reasonable to work within the context of conflict and to try to see all that is presented in that light in some meaningful way.

So then we must ask two questions. 1) How does the rejoice/mourn injunction fit into a context of conflict? 2) How does the pride injunction fit into a context of conflict? We take up the first under the notion of right emotions and the second under right thoughts.

What can be said about the rejoice/mourn material? Can that be integrated with the dominant theme of conflict or the right handling of conflict? Again, if we begin with the dominance of the theme of conflict (v. 14, 16a, and 17-21 for 14-21), then we will try to fit these things of verse 15 into the puzzle as pieces that have a meaningful place. They do fit, we need only discover how.

Two things help here. 1) Rejoicing and mourning are both associated with others. Paul is not talking about rejoicing in your own blessings or mourning your own heartaches. There is a "with those" dimension that pertains to each. Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. The point is to share in the joy and sadness of others. 2) This brings up another point. It is "others" who are the source of conflict; it is others who afflict us on this journey (cf. the repeated "those who" in vs. 14-15; whether the wrong is real or perceived).

Here we face a difficult challenge. Can we rejoice with those who afflict us and mourn with those who afflict us? We can easily do these things the wrong way. Namely, we can rejoice when others fail and come on hard times. We can mourn when others succeed or prosper in various ways. When those who afflict us appear to prosper that can make us sad. When those who afflict us appear to be hard pressed and perplexed that can make us happy. So I think this is at least one good reason to bring up the point of rejoicing and mourning in the right way. We are to rejoice along with them in their joy ("with them" in the sense of we too ought to rejoice) and if they come under the judgment of God, we can only grieve with them.

For example, pretend that I was part of a group of pastors and that one of the pastors lied to me and about me on a number of occasions that hurt me deeply leaving me with the wounds of injustice bleeding in my soul. Now pretend that some years pass in which I have no contact with this pastor. Then I hear about how he is doing. What is my response if I hear that he is doing well? What is my response if I hear that he is doing poorly? I may want to hear that he is doing poorly and I may wish with all my heart that I would not hear that he is doing well.

The important point in all of these mind games is to consider what is at stake. What's at stake is my attitude toward God and whether or not I am in a position to honor Him as sovereign Lord. The life of the pastor who wronged me in this pretend scenario is in God's hands for good or ill, for blessing or judgment. If I have it backwards by rejoicing in the ill and mourning the good, then I disapprove of God's mercy and I approve of God's judgment.

What is wrong with disapproving of God's blessing? Ought we to disapprove of anything that the Lord does? Who are we to stand in judgment on God's actions? Who are we to disapprove of God because we would rather see others put to grief and since they seem happy and blessed then we are sad? This is a sinful sadness that directly dishonors the sovereign decision of the Lord to deal with people as He sees fit for His own purpose and glory. And we ought to be ashamed because when the Lord acts what He does is part of His working of all things for our good. So ultimately we are sad because of the way God is working out good for us though the blessing of those who afflict us.

Is there anything wrong with approving of God's judgment as shown in our joy over the hardships of others? Just think about what is going on here. We are not simply talking about a steady sense of satisfaction because justice is upheld and vindicated. That is a cause for rejoicing. But we can make an important distinction at this very point. That is, it is one thing to rejoice in the realization of justice and it is another thing (a totally different thing) to rejoice when others mourn. What kind of cold hearts do we have as Christians who have received untold blessings from the Lord, blessing that we do not deserve (cf. Prov. 17:5; 25:20)? Because of the love of Christ, because of what He has done for us with a warm and tender heart toward us even in our sinfulness, despite the wrongs with which we afflict Him, should we not be warm-hearted people? Should we not be people who are disturbed at the judgment of sinners? Should we not be affected by their grief, especially when we know that judgment is what we deserve, like theirs and more?

It may be that Paul has the more general idea in mind of sharing in the joys and sorrows of our brothers and sisters in the Christian family. That cannot be ruled out. But the context of conflict argues that we also think along these lines where rejoicing and mourning is backwards. Proper emotional responses to being wronged are essential for those who have given themselves to Christ as living sacrifices. This is part of healthy Christian living. It is an important grace that helps us deal with conflict as a matter of inner strength and harmony from the inside out.

2A. The Right thoughts

How does the pride injunction fit into a context of conflict? Affliction may hurt our pride more than anything else. It is the case that this sin adds flame to the fire of disunity. Pride makes it very difficult to deal with the evil that we experience at the hands of others. It hinders proper conduct in the face of evils that come our way from other sinners as we make our way through life. Pride is a stumbling block that gets in the way and prevents godly action, reaction, and response (thus blocking the way of harmony, cf. the association of harmony with not being proud, v. 16). So it is fitting that this unit of material on the right way of dealing with the evil of others give attention to the sin of pride in us (given the conflict, embarrassment, disappointment, and down right pain)

Those in authority over us may give us the "dirty" jobs (menial and humbling tasks to spite us, cf. 12:16b, not proud but willing to associate with lowly tasks and people). We have to accept this in service to Christ (within reasonable limits of course).

The right thought is to think of yourself as you ought (not conceited, thinking more highly of yourself than you ought, 16c). Remember your comparative smallness as dust before the Lord.

Pride will prevent or hinder us in overcoming evil with good. It prevents a spirit of moderation or yieldedness (cf. let your moderation be known unto all men). Instead of pride we need accommodation and compromise (from looking for it wherever possible). We know what it is to follow a "Yield" sign when driving, we let the other person have the right of way. That is not always easy to do in human relationships. Our ego calls out for attention. You may think, "why do I always have to give in?" It may be that most of the time you do have to give in because of the sinfulness of others. But this burden is the way of the cross, service to Christ, and therefore the way of glory as well.

Much in the way of harmony is due to right thinking about ourselves. Remove pride and affliction will be much easier to endure (in a godly way).

3A. The right actions

There are actions that apply in a special way to the circumstance of being wronged.

1) Do not repay evil for evil (17). The positive side here is to do good in the sight of all, such good as they will commend and approve of generally speaking and qualified by the will of God. The pathway of hating evil and embracing the good predominates and unbelievers can intuitively recognize it though it may stir up resentment exposing their evil.

2) Do not take revenge. This is a step beyond responding in kind to wrongs we receive. It seeks justice with a bite of severity. But Paul tells us that this means entering into a prerogative that belongs to God and not to us. It is not our job but His and He will see to it in His own good time.

In v. 20 enemy reflects on the theme here of those who wrong us. If we think of believers and nonbelievers both in context, it means that in wronging one another we are in that action being an enemy. Thus enemy can refer to both being enemy-like and being an actual enemy.

Two basic views on the "coals of fire" are: 1) Do good and if they do not respond in repentance they store up more judgment coals of fire making their own judgment more severe. 2) You put on their heads the burning pangs of shame and thus call to repentance. Moo says the former does not fit well with the context in its denial of retaliation and this is too close to cultivating such. On the latter he says the linguistic evidence is weak but it is probably the best way to read the passage.

There are difficulties in precisely identifying the point in this passage. But the context is the most important consideration that directs us to a positive line of thought. What we have here is the doing of something good, helpful, conciliating, and ameliorating (not something vengeful). At the least there is some softening of the enemies attitude toward us and at the most a full change of heart due to the burning shame of conscience shown in repentance. It is not a way to "really burn" someone in the sense of "really get their goat" or "get one up on them." This would be causing someone to have a burning anger toward us because we really "burned" him or her. But that is against Christian grace as evident in the implication of the sixth commandment that involves the duty to curb not promote anger in others (Matt. 5:21-26).

3) Live in harmony (16a). Harmony of mind-set is oriented to the renewed mind, grace, and the will of God (12:2). Live at peace with everyone (v. 18). Be a peacemaker (Matt. 5:9; cf. Mk. 9:50 with disciples and all). There is double qualification here: if possible and as much as depends on you. "If possible" because the world hates Christ and His followers (Jn. 16:33). We must avoid excuse making by which we simply write off any responsibility in conflicts that inevitably occur. We must also avoid adding flame to the fire ourselves by words and deeds that stir up even more tension. But there are limits when other principles apply (church discipline, sanctions of civil law, divorce).

4) Bless instead of curse. To bless is something God does. Thus, we are told to pray for the blessing of those who purse and afflict us with their evil deeds. There is no evidence of persecution in the most intense sense going on at Rome at the time of Paul's writing (Moo, 780). So the point here is the weaker but still painful experience of being pursed and afflicted by others. And we cannot exclude the affliction we may receive in the house of our friends or at the hands of our brothers, at least those who profess to be friends and brothers. We are to ask God to show them His favor and not ask God to bring disaster upon them (how square this with the spirit and tenor of the imprecatory Psalms? It may help to distinguish between not being imprecatory for personal hurts but being imprecatory for general opposition to Christ and righteousness). This is a loving action evidence of a loving heart.

How we respond when wronged is vital to victory over evil (v. 21). We need this in the moment the evil occurs and in the residual effects of being wronged. The pain may return again and again in the memory and affect our emotions. It is like a wound that keeps getting bumped bringing back the initial pain and slowing down the healing (this happened to me this week: I sliced my thumb with the salad and have returned to the painful experience bumping it on numerous occasions over the week). Sometimes, on a passing thought about something others did to me, my emotions will sort of freeze up for a moment in time. It is almost suffocating and I want to cry out for justice (it's a return to the initial pain). We have to wrestle with the tendency to cry out for their destruction by drinking in this command to pray for their blessing. We have to make this shift from what we may first tend to do.

The response to being wronged (more painfully, less painfully and perceived or real) is to season your reaction by consideration of how you have wronged the Lord Jesus and yet He loves you with a tender heart. Trust Him in what you face, you have not resisted unto blood striving against sin. Look unto Him the author and finisher of your faith and you will have the strength of joyful patience as you are not overcome by evil "but overcome evil with good."